I hate the way my shirt clings to every protruding lump, I hate the way my ass strains to get free from the confines of my ever shrinking jeans, I hate the way I have to avert my eyes from the mirror when I get out of the shower, I hate the way my undulating waves of excess jiggle when I walk. "Well Fatty", the skinny bastard inside me says, "I guess you don’t hate yourself enough to actually do something about it?" What, are you kidding? I have been on so many diets, tried so many things, so many times for so many years, it hardly seems that I have not done something about it. And do you really think it is possible to loathe myself anymore? You inner-monologue prick!
I have seen a lot of blogs about losing weight, "Look at me!, This is my before picture and this is my after picture!" "Dear Diary, today I ate only 150 calories! Yippee!" They all suck, and they all fade into the blog abyss of the quarterly post. If all it took to lose weight was to count calories, who the hell would choose to be fat? Who in their right mind would choose a lifetime of self-hatred, trapped in a blubbery prison cell of their own making? Who would choose daily public humiliation as a walking, breathing example of weakness in our society? Certainly not the two thirds of us Americans who are more than they should be.
Well....let me stop my self-indulgent flagellation enough to introduce myself a bit. I have been blogging now for about ten years, only I never called it blogging, I called it "obsessive compulsive ramblings to myself on a word processor because I can’t afford a shrink". Of this you have already seen a sample. I read a few articles on blogs, I saw Wil Wheaton on MSNBC and decided to give it a try. It seemed a bit better than tapping away into the night on Word, isolated and alone. Throwing my words out there, public and exposed, it just seemed like the right thing to do, like accountability...or something. To the 2, 3, or 4 of you who might actually stumble here by accident, please excuse the simple and boring look to the site, I really have no idea what I am doing yet.
Anyway...here I am world, a bloated tick of a human, consuming more of your resources than I have a right to, hating myself for doing it, hating myself because I can’t seem to stop doing it, hating myself because I hate myself so much. Ahhh the beautiful cycle of life.
god I hate being fat.