Okay, so I am a self-deprecating loser...
the question is why stay fat if I am so miserable? Why choose to be like this if I hate it and me so much? I think that is the key word here, choose, because I am making a choice here. Sure, there are people out there who have metabolism problems or genetic dispositions towards obesity, but maybe that accounts for 5% of fat people? No, face up to the cold hard facts, for most of us, we simply choose to be fat, we simply choose to put that extra amount of food into us daily. WHY?
Do I choose to be fat because I just enjoy eating so much? Man, I love to cook. I enjoy trying new things and mixing up different recipes trying to get it just right. I am not so discriminate about what I eat however, and there really is no reason why a person who enjoys cooking as a hobby has to be fat too. Besides, when it’s 11:00 at night and I am up to my ears inside a Ruffles bag chasing it down with a Pepsi or a beer, there aint much gourmet there.
No, it has to be for some other reason, but whatever it is I should not kid myself. I am fat because I want to be fat and I choose it over being fit (or at least healthy) because it suits me somehow. I get something out of it and it must be more than the instant gratification of gorging on potato chips or chocolate ice-cream. This choice I make must have some pretty strong and deep roots to be able to withstand all the lonely nights, the broken promises to myself, the lost days and weeks and years. Being fat protects me, or attempts to fill a bottomless void, in a way that must mean something more to me than suffering self and societal contempt. But what? What could be so important to me and remain such a well hidden secret to my own conscious?
So, why do I really choose to be fat?
It’s funny how movies can make you feel. Today a movie came on and I was compelled to watch it, "Lost in Translation". It definitely had a melancholy about it, a quiet desperation. Maybe it is just me. Lately I have been very tearful at the slightest things. Obviously I am a bit depressed. It comes and goes, usually coinciding with frustration over losing weight.
"Do I need to worry about you Bob?"... "Only if you want to."
"Do I need to worry about you Bob?"...
"Only if you want to."