I have not been up to blogging much lately. I think it is just because I know there is no place else to go with my dilemma, it's put up or shut up time, and I don't feel up to the "put up" part yet. Maybe my head needs the time to think about things for a bit.
Anyway...Sunday I was cleaning the garage out, making room for a "work out area". My son wants to play football this year, and the old man is going to help him with his training. Him and I were putting up boxes in the attic, I am embarrassed to say they had Christmas lights in them! There was about 6, and very heavy but we hoisted them up into the attic anyway. Later that evening I got this nagging pain on the left side of my lower back. I immediately started thinking "kidney aliment" but soon realized I had been doing some heavy lifting and probably pulled a muscle. The next morning I got out of bed in some considerable pain back there, stiff as could be, and it reminded me of how I got started liking yoga. I remembered that I had saved a draft of my story, and thought now would be a good time to post it! Here it is....
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A long time ago, maybe as long as 15 years ago, I was working a job at an apt. high-rise in Boston. We were on the very top, in the mechanical room, the place where all the workings that keep things running are located. I was in decent shape back then, though I never believed it. My weight was normal, I lifted weights and exercised pretty regular, plus I was working construction which consumes a lot of calories.
Me and this skinny old dude who couldn't have been more than 100 pounds soaking wet, were hauling up a generator, through a hatch way with winches and pulleys. The pulley snap and the generator began to fall about three stories down. The dude and I hung on to the rope, but were sliding toward the hatchway. I wrapped the rope around my waist but was losing the battle, and the dude was going to slip through the hatch as well. We should have let it go, period. We should not have valued that thing above our own lives, but I guess you never know how you will react. I grabbed the guys pants by the belt loop, and began to drive myself and the dude back, pulling the generator up the hatch. When it got near the top, I let go of him, he tied the rope around a 6 inch pipe, and we pulled the generator up through the hatchway door.
The next morning, I could not get out of bed, my back was killing me. I called in sick and went to the hospital, let me tell you no small feat! I had a Pontiac Fiero back then, it was like trying to fold myself into a sardine can, and I didn't want to bend! They took x-rays but could find no real damage, they recommended I stay out of work for two weeks for it to heal. I could barely walk or bend, my lower back was really in a lot of pain. I filed for a workman's comp report and told them I was going to be out for two weeks. They sent me to a chiropractor during that time to try and snap me back into place.
Now, I know a lot of people out there love these guys, but I think it is just voodoo. I mean, I felt better, for about an hour after the manipulation of my spine and stuff, but it quickly went back to where it was before. It was not healing.
By "accident" (though a yogi would call it Karma), I found this old yoga book laying around somewhere, I can't remember where, and I started to do it. "28 day guide to Yoga". My back was back to normal after just a week. More than that, I began to feel really good about myself, inside. I began to become more centered, more focused. Before I went to work, every morning about 4:30 am, I would put in a Pat Metheny tape and do some yoga, I can not describe how very peaceful it made me feel, the music, the morning, the yoga. It even made me better at work, more focused, less bitchy about the little details, more patient.
When my wife got pregnant and we had our son, I stopped. Ironically, it was probably the very time when I should have increased it, but I always wanted to get that extra hour of sleep in the morning, something you really cherish when you have a newborn! Occasionally I have gone back to it, like at the beginning of this blog, but I inevitably don't stick with the practice. That is a shame, because besides the many physical and spiritual benefits of yoga, it also makes me realize that I do not have to be perfect.
Yoga is a practice against perfectionism. You can only do what you can do. With practice you get better at it, but at no point do you feel like where you are now is any different than where you have been or where you are going, it is all the same kind of "perfect". That feeling generally resonates throughout a good portion of the day. I won't lie, it doesn't change everything, it doesn't make everything rosy or all go your way, sometimes the feeling, or centeredness (sp) only lasts until noon, or until you get a flat tire or your kids principal calls, but it does give you a more level playing field. You find you don't over react to stuff, you just react, usually with the bigger picture in mind.
For me anyway, it is a great thing, which for no reason other than laziness, I don't do. I think the intensity of the practice, the amount of poses to learn, all of that stuff, always gets in the way, but that is just me and does not belong in the practice of yoga. If I start small, put no expectations on myself other than just showing up, I have a feeling that it will come back to me and my natural desire to improve will take over. I hope so anyway, I would love to get back to that place again.
Anyway, that is the saga of the origins of the Yoga Pig....
I just read a book about "synchrodestiny" by Deepok Chapra. Perhaps that would be the word for finding the book. The book is interesting for the first half, and then, IMO, he goes off the deep end.
I enjoy reading your writing, whether it is focused on your weight loss goals or not. You are an awesome writer, and why not write for the hell of it? Bring some entertainment and insight into the lives of others?
As for yoga, the thought freaks me out. Seems like it would be too quiet and contemplative...I'm one of those who tries to forget she is exercising...
Posted by: Michelle | June 27, 2005 at 23:08
I like the sound of yoga and the philosophy behind it.It seems like it would be good for us perfectionists. My husband is in construction and has pulled a couple of back muscles; it is awful. Since he is self-employed, he has to drag himself to work and do what he can. (no workman's comp--dang it!) I have never been to a chiropractor--my parents don't believe in them much. Some people swear by them, but I notice that they have to go in there constantly. I don't have time for that!
Posted by: Margaret | June 27, 2005 at 21:50