Slip Sliding Away...

....slip sliding away. You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away.

With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel, that is my status at the moment. I have not had a long Sunday run, or stuck to the training schedule given to me by Jeff Galloway, for a month now. In fact my last long run was Sept. 4th for 4 miles, the Sunday before that my longest run to date, 10.

I have not stuck to any diet, not that I was really on one to begin with to my recollection. After Rita I weighed myself and I had lost 2 pounds, this morning I had gained 5. My weight is right where it has been for the past year, stuck at around 220.

During the past month I did work out about 2-3 times a week, in the house, on a treadmill, bike or go walking with the dog, maybe some weights, but there was no attempt on my part to really stick with a "plan" and try to make any progress toward losing weight or training for the 1/2 marathon.  Just over two weeks ago I did ask Jeff if it was possible that I could get back on track, he said yes, and made a revised running schedule for me, which I did not do. It seemed like every time I went to go running, something came up, it was 98, or my mp3 player was not working, or the family wanted to go out to eat, I was easily persuaded. Now, with the marathon just 5 weeks away, I am doubting that I can do it. I am not even sure if it is possible, training wise.

There was no reason to stop, not really. Yes I was busy and there were many days when it was just not possible, but there were many more when it was. I would not use the poor plight of Katrina victims, nor our preparations for Rita as an excuse.

I just stopped caring about it for some reason, it just did not seem that important. On my last run of Sept. 4, it was a drag. I was not motivated, I could not get up any "steam", nothing inspired me, I just didn't care, and if you don't care about it, it is not going to be easy to go 10+ miles.  During the past month I did not even consider my weight either. In fact, food was not an issue, or an obsession during this time. I did not overeat or binge, but I did not eat all that great either. I simply was doing stuff that I had to do, and when the choice came to go running or work out or eat something "good", I just opted not to. And I never felt guilty about it, which is the really weird thing. In the not so distant past, hell, for the last 2 decades, I would have beaten myself up mercilessly over it. That is a good thing right?

It could be the reason I waited so long to come back to FatBlogger, I was not sure I ever would to be honest, I was not sure that I should be making this an issue in my life any more.

I think I am at a crossroads, and it scares me a bit. If I give up concerns and goals for improving my health, do I fade into the obscurity of our rising obesity statistics, yet move on with my life? Or do I try to get back the momentum I had, make "it" and issue again, yet somehow change the direction and focus more pertinent to my life now? For the first time in my life, I think I am realizing that maybe my personal health, and the rewards of vanity and fitness, are not my priority anymore. Are they? Should they be? What do you think?

Comments

[FB]

Well, many have said that I am not really fat, even though the doctor(s) has said I ams obese. I think I will address this in an upcoming post.

[Tonya]

Gosh, I'd had the impression that you were well over 300 lbs. or so! If you're not particularly tall, 220 would likely be more hefty than ideal, but it seems to me that you losing "a few" lbs. is something totally attainable! Just walk. Don't worry about the running, or the 10 miles or the marathon. You may have set your goals a bit too lofty -- keep it do-able!

[Margaret]

Chuck--you seem to have reached a place of acceptance where you are not beating yourself up. So, if you feel like running or losing weight, it will happen--yet you're not obsessed with it. I don't know quite how to say this, but depending on your height, 220 isn't a bad weight to be.