post began at 6:30 am - usual self-indulgent crap
I have never been able to understand my resistance to beginning. As I sit here and type this I am faced with it again, a huge wall of resistance. It seems like an enormous task to break through and there is so much riding on it. It is not 50 pounds, it is a life beginning and trying to begin. The damnable dam of fat holding it all back. Yes, there is the fear of diabetes and heart disease, good motivators, but not enough.
It has taken me awhile, but I have put together what may be the perfect plan to lose weight, easy, realistic, smart. If I was to begin, and stay with this plan, I could shed the pounds before the holidays arrive. A long time, but short in comparison to where I have been. I like the plan, the plan is me, it is unique, I made it, it works for me. It is easy. I can't do it.
Why? When I go to begin I find the resistance overwhelming! It is maddening. Monday morning, D-day, the the wall of resistance looms large, my inner voice begs for another day, another week, a time and place more convenient, a day to remember, there has to be a more important time to do this...wait.
phone call comes in, 7 am - a force knocking me from my routine
My mother has had a heart attack. She has been sent to Mass General where they will perform an angioplasty to remove a 100% blockage of plaque build-up in one of her arteries. She will be 70 next week, skinny, walks the dog every night, smokes. Her cholesterol is around 225 the doc says.
She has come out of the surgery fine, will be laid up for a few days. I am heading up there tomorrow to help out around the house with my father, take care of the pesky dog I never wanted her to get, and visit my wife's grandmother who is also in the hospital (they took out a intestinal blockage, looks benign). I don't know what the hell is going on up there, but I will try to let you know if I get near a computer!
This really cuts short my personal frustration for the moment. I will be back next week, hopefully ready to go, and a bit better for it. God, please let my parents have cable.
Oh, Chuck, I'm so sorry about this! It's so scary when our parents' health starts to decline. It's a very helpless feeling.
You take care of yourself, hear? (And I hope they have cable, too!)
Posted by: Tonya | March 27, 2006 at 22:44
I hear you about beginning and trying to begin again. It is hard to get up momentum when we haven't suceeded in past attempts. Sorry about your mom. Hope you do have cable and everything works out okay.
Posted by: Krista | March 28, 2006 at 12:07
I hope your Mom is OK. And that your parents have cable...isn't that something you should know already?
Posted by: Felicity | March 28, 2006 at 14:45
There's nothing like a parent's brush with mortality to give you a clearer perspective on your own. Glad your mother is recovering well - take care of yourself while you're there with them, too.
Posted by: Denise | March 28, 2006 at 15:23
I'm sorry to hear about both your mom and your grandmother-in-law. Keep us posted as you can and take care of yourself, please.
Posted by: denise | March 28, 2006 at 18:58
I hope that your mom is okay and the rest of your family as well. Many good thoughts coming your way...as well as cable juju :).
Posted by: Hilly | March 28, 2006 at 21:28
When things hit, they do so in groups. I am glad that you could be there to help, but sorry for all the stress. I'm sending your family healthy thoughts!
Posted by: Margaret | March 28, 2006 at 23:33
My husband and I are praying for your family.
As for beginning, it is the best part. I can't finish anything...
Posted by: jaye | March 29, 2006 at 19:19