On April 6th, over two years ago, I wrote my first post, God I hate being fat. It has received many comments through the years as people Google their sentiments about being fat. Each comment is a story, a life being lived. Most comments are sad, some informative, and in a few, up-lifting. One commenter in particular has managed all three, and is truly inspiring, her name is CHA.
CHA made her first comment on May 28th, 2006. It was her 14th birthday. Like many who comment there, she was disgusted with herself, echoing my own sentiments so long ago. Here is what she wrote;
i just turned 14 years old today im 5'5 and weigh 180 pounds and it just keeps creeping up...all my life i've been the fat girl and sometimes i don't even want to live anymore, sometimes u just think it'll be easir to be dead then have 2 live looking the way u do...i really want to change i just don't know why i can't, ive always hated myself for being who i was....always trying to hide behind my clothes until i just cudnt anymore, nothing fits me and i feel lik dying...i have a pool party tommorow and ive always loved swimming but i have 2 think of an excuse not to get in the water because i hate myself so much and im so self concious...i never go out anymore i dont lik to be with my friendz seeing as ther all skinny i never feel comfortable i just stay in my room and hate myself, punch my self, cut myself, do drugs, i hate everything about myself i wish stupid skinny people wud understand the thingz i go through sumtimes i just want 2 be sum1 else none of does stupid people will ever understand wat it is to be FAT
Six months later, on December 1st, CHA commented again, this time offering words of Sonny Carrol's "The Awakening" as her inspiration.
CHA's last comment was just about a week ago, and in it we see what she has achieved so far;
hey everybody its been a (while) since i came on here, i was reading my first post, almost over a year ago on my 14th birthday i was at 5'5 and 180, according to the BMI calculator i was overweight, today currently, may 5th, 23 days before my 15th birthday i'm very happy to say i have lost 28 pounds, i am at 152 and i'm 5'6, i'm enjoying my life so much and i'm truly loving every minute of it, i still have more weight to lose, i'm a very athletic person and i'm very active and i will continue to work hard, i can now jog a whole mile and more without stopping, that makes me very proud of myself, i have gone through a lot in my life, you can read all the troubles i have had in my other posts(drugs, cutting, etc.), but i'm so much stronger and confident now that i feel good and i love my life, i have so much clothes in my closet that are HUMONGOUS on me lol i can't wear them, i bought new clothes, i went from a size 13 to an 11, and an X-Large to just a large, don't give up on your life because its beautiful and our purpose on earth is far from worthless, love ya'll, from the heart...
In all, CHA has made 15 comments to that post, telling us her darkest thoughts, her struggles, her triumphs, from suicide to living a life with purpose. Vicariously and directly, I have enjoyed the conversation I have had with CHA, and many times was worried sick as well. I would like to think FatBlogger had something to do with her success, but the fact is, it was all her. She had the strength, the determination, to think things through and just keep trying until something stuck. Now some of you might be thinking that even at 180 pounds, she was not that fat, but you would be missing the point. It is, and was, how she (and us) feel about ourselves, it can drive us to great heights...or into the abyss. Even though CHA is young enough to be my child, she is an inspiration to me, and should be for any of you struggling with weight-loss. I just wanted to say that I am proud of you CHA and I hope you have a wonderful 15th birthday this month and a great life ahead of you!
Give it up for CHA and her story!
We figured it was something like that CHA. I think the person who wrote it is Sonny Carrol. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: FB | May 19, 2007 at 17:43
this real spiritual man i once knew sent that to me, forgot to mention that sorry, i didn't mean to take credit for someone else's work, i know its called The Awakening but i don't know who originally wrote it, if someone finds out i'd like to know, but yea i'm glad my life made a complete turn around for the best, i hope others can do the same
Posted by: CHA | May 19, 2007 at 15:26
Thanks for the 411 Krista, I have made a few changes to give credit to the author.
CHA, perhaps you just borrowed it because it inspired you and, being just 14, forgot to give credit to the author?
Posted by: FB | May 18, 2007 at 10:56
I hate to say this, but the 2nd post, the "eloquent one" was not written by her. I saw it on another blog a long time ago. I don't know the author and don't have the time to research it. I am sure she used it because it says it so well--better than most any of us could put it! It is real wisdom. When I have time to research and find the true author, I will email it to you. But I still hold CHA is high reguard because she found something that can inspire us all.
Posted by: Krista | May 18, 2007 at 02:04
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Cha is truly and inspiration and one hell of a talented girl!
Posted by: beee | May 17, 2007 at 16:48
Hi, FB. I just recently found your blog,and it is posts like this one that will keep me coming back. It is hard to imagine that the same girl wrote the first / last comment. Incredible how even the way she expresses herself turned around.
And she said this: "And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul." What an observation that this adult needs to hear! Keep it up CHA!
Posted by: The Therapist | May 17, 2007 at 14:39
I am amazed by the way this girl can write. She needs to think about a career writing books. What an inspiring post! I hope you are doing well.
Posted by: Margaret | May 15, 2007 at 21:13
Wow, what a great return to this blog! There is some definite virtual appluase going on here! I can remember being even bigger than that when I was her age, feeling trapped, feeling helpless, worthless, useless. I reacted differently, but the feelings were, and are the same.
Recently, after over a year of strict dieting (1200-1500 calories daily with three or four times working out a week) with absolutely no progress whatsoever, I am now being tested for several disorders, and am waiting to see what the doctor's will say. And to think, if I'd called out to them for help back when I was a kid, I might not ever have gotten to the weight I'm sitting at now. But for me ... that was the hardest part. Admitting that I wasn't happy with myself, and that there was literally nothing I could do about it.
And for girls like CHA who are amazing, both in mind and determination ... Congratulations, honey!!!! Keep working hard for your future, make it a happy one!
Posted by: Brandi | May 15, 2007 at 07:05