FatBlogger

Working on the Uber-Self

Everyone wants to be different, better, perfect...although most would still choose to be the person they are. That is a curious thing really, I mean, we do countless things to ourselves in order to have the more perfect body, the more perfect exterior, and yet we would not choose to change who we actually are. For example, I would not choose to be Brad Pitt even though I envy his abs. Now, I might choose to be him for an evening :) but I would not want to live his life. I think deep down inside us there is acceptance of who we are, that we are unique, and we don't want to admit that any one person is better than us, no matter the circumstances.  We want to remain who we are, we just want to be our uber-self.

That is a good thing, because you can work with that, if you have a mind to. And it is work too, it just doesn't happen...you have to think about it, about what drives you, about what drives your bad habits and your good. You also have to think about why you feel you need to be perfect in the first place, or why you feel you are flawed.

Thinking scares a lot of people, you'd be surprised. While I rather enjoy the mental solitude and challenge of thinking about stuff, many find it down right scary to scratch there own surface and peer underneath. Like all things, there are extremes. For example, I like thinking a little too much, it provides an outlet for my anxiety, and a place to go to prevent actual action. It is safer to think than to do, because you can only fail when you do things. Of course that is complete bullshit, but my subconscious doesn't know that. On the other extreme, many people don't want to know what is going on at all. They are more comfortable with doing things, anything, to keep their mind off of their real troubles. So, you can think too much, and you can think too little...both are just running in circles, but there is a happy place in between.

A long while ago I was suffering from clinical depression. The neurons just were not firing like they should, and depression had set in. The doc gave me the meds, but I chose a different path, therapist. Previously I had never put much stock in them, but my experience changed my mind. Even though mine did nothing but sit and listen, it was really a liberating experience. Every time my session was over, I walked out of there and went home feeling a little more whole, and that is really remarkable considering all I did was talk about shitty stuff that happened to me. I guess, somehow, it is good to talk to someone that isn't judging you.

Some of you might say that is what friends are for, but it doesn't work that way. Generally friends only mimic what we say, or tell us what we want to hear. We often choose our friends based on how we behave, so we tend to choose friends that think and act like us. A friend can only help you out of a depression two ways, scoring you some Prozac or giving you the number of a good therapist.

I have come to realize that for many of us, losing weight is not enough, it is merely addressing a symptom of a larger problem, and leaving that problem unaddressed can be harmful to yourself and those around you. Over the course of my struggles with weight loss, I have lost weight and came as close to the Uber-Self as I am going to get about 6 or 7 times. I still come back to where I am now. Yes, reaching my goal was exhilarating, confidence boosting and all that, but it was never enough, there was always more tweaking to do...I was never satisfied. The only thing I had done was take away my coping mechanism, my opiate of choice was food, and when I didn't have that, stress, anxiety and who knows what else just bubbled and brewed inside until it exploded in a total meltdown.

My experience, my knowledge, the research I have read (and it is considerable) and my experience with friends, have shown me that attacking only the symptom and not the disease is a disaster. You need to do both if you are going to achieve your ultimate Uber-self. Working on the outside can give you confidence, but working on the inside can eliminate the addiction in the first place. Taking that path is harder, requires a modicum of thought and reflection, and yes you can get stuck...that's why we need outside help for a little bit of that journey.

I found this great website that can help anyone searching for a therapist. It can be a scary thing to do, you want to find the right person to feel comfortable with. Plug in your zip and state and you will get a list of therapists, each with their own synopsis of what they do and why they do it, some even have pictures. Please, if you have been struggling, give this a try. You have nothing to lose but 45 minutes a week, a bit of money...and just possibly that thing that has been gnawing at your insides your entire adult life.

Find a Therapist

 

How people change

Despite "plasticity", ruts in our brain, genetic disposition and the rest...there are those who break bad habits and change for the better. They do it with out surgery, without life altering trauma, without pills, therapy or 12 step programs. They do it with everyday hard work and a dogged persistence to achieve their goal. They are driven to succeed, and they are willing to sacrifice to get there. How? Why? What makes them so different from the rest of us?

Well, there just so happens to be a "system" and most of them go through it without even knowing it.  The 6 stages of change, discovered by James Prochaska, John Norcross,  and Carlo DiClemente;

1. Precontemplation
2. Contemplation
3. Preparation
4. Action
5. Maintenance
    (Possible Relapse)
6. Termination / Transcendence

The book is fascinating, as I have discussed before, mostly because it illuminates the stages one encounters in change, much like the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, they are just a part of the human condition. For such a wonderful discovery, and impeccable research by these psychologists, not much has been written or expanded about it since. Consider the break through of discovering a verifiable way of change, and yet, these ten plus years later, nothing. Why? They themselves say in the book, the media wanted some pithy summation about the "system" that they could promote in a sentence, and they refused, it just isn't simple. While the book is thorough, It really is too bad that there was no follow up by other psychologists as I did not found the book helpful in moving from stage to stage.  Right now, and for the past decade, I have been stuck on stage 3, "preparation". A few times I have been to stage 4, never to stage 5 in my entire life. 

The point is, everyone goes through these stages when changing, even if they don't know it. You can't jump from one stage to another effectively either, it just isn't how the human psyche works. Knowing this won't make you lose weight, but knowing it might make it more possible. For example, instead of wasting time on more diet planning and book reading, I realize that I am just avoiding stage 4, action, and that these things I am doing, and maybe you, are just to avoid the anxiety of change.  I am taking it to the precipice, but I don't have the commitment, or desire, to jump yet.

If you are intrigued by these stages and would like to know where you are, I would recommend getting the book, here is a link if you want to check it out on Amazon.com. You can also check out this site, addictioninfo.org for a little more in depth analysis of the stages, or go to this Doctor's web-site,  habitdoc.com, who uses the stages to help people beat addictions.

Why is it so #$%&ing hard to lose weight?

I know I am not alone, and neither are you if you have asked this same question. America is getting fatter and fatter, ironically it seems, at the same rate the fat fighting "industry" grows. It would seem implausible that as our knowledge, scientific advancement, access to healthier foods and public awareness increases, that our waistline would too. Now, I don't blame any of those things as the reason I am still fat, I merely point out...there must be a critical step missing.

Some would say that step is an actual step, as in action. I would tend to agree, but why can't so many of us take it? We know what's at stake to our own personal bodies, yet there seems to be such a wall of inertia to break through, that more often than not, we give up without really trying.

A week or so ago, by chance, I happened upon a show called "The Brain Fitness Program" on PBS. For the most part it was pretty dry and boring, but there was one very interesting thing that caught my attention..."plasticity". This is a term neurologists are giving to the ruts we literally create on our brains by taking the same action, over and over again. This rut, or plasticity, gets so used to these actions, that as soon as they begin they fire neurons to complete the action. For example, if a person reaches out to a boiling pot, the neurons would fire off pain signals and we recoil our hand immediately. The same is true for bad habits as well, if we think Twinkie, we eat Twinkie. This is why it is so hard to maintain a weight-loss diet, we are literally stuck in a rut, and it is all in our heads.

It all makes perfect sense when you really think about it. Eating certain things, at certain times, gives most of us pleasure, instant pleasure at that. If I am bored, I walk to the pantry. If I feel anxious, I walk to the fridge.  If I am happy, I want to celebrate with food. If I am lonely, I seek solace in the loving embrace of Ben and Jerry. And I do all these things in auto-mode, a reflex of emotion, thought and over the years, practice and pleasure. Why would a subconscious give that kind of instant gratification up with out a fight? If it did, it wouldn't be doing it's job of nurturing your inner self. Of course, all this inner self nurturing comes with a price, outer self deterioration, and ultimately, self loathing.

Impossible to fix? No. But very, very, very hard.  Anyway, the point is, the repeated failures you experience, the wall you hit when the sun goes down, the guilt, the hopelessness you feel...there normal, and you are not alone.

Marching Onward

So, the final analysis, training and walking for a half-marathon does not help you lose weight. I don't know why that is, but in my case it is what it is...I didn't lose a singe pound. The exercise was no doubt healthier than watching TV for my inside, but my outside saw no improvement. Regardless, I am undeterred and will just have to increase my efforts. If you are coming here for weight loss inspiration, I am going to have to let you down...again.

This woman is quite an inspiration though...

No doubt if you watch Oprah you've seen her. She lost an incredible 180 pounds, through diet and exercise. Check out the whole story at this link and also some other people who have taken off 100 or more pounds.

Me? I still have the same 60. Right now though I will settle for 4 or 5 pounds. That's what I'm shooting for this month as I get back on the track and start walking again. Why has it taken me so long? Sick for a month now, just starting to feel better. One would think that I would have lost a few pounds with the flu...but no. I am cursed by the Fat Buddha himself.